i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
