Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
