i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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