Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
