try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
