i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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