Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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