He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
