I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
