I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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