and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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