I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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