ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
