Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
