All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
