wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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