Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
