Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
