Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
