Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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