you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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