I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
