So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
