Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Text me some of your sweat
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
