i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
