He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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