my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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