I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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