he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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