I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
