I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
