bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
