So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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