why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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