i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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