dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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