Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

I bet he comes in French.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.

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(425): View more from Washington

My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.

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(903): View more from Texas

I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.

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(209): View more from California

So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility

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(519): View more from Ontario

If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.

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(858): View more from California

death bed.

(661): View more from California

death patio

(858): View more from California

stfu you slept on the patio!?!

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(720): View more from Colorado

He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't

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