Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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