Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
