My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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