Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
