You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
