I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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