1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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