i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
