Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
