Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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