I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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