so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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