do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You are a genius and a whore.
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