the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there was a trapeze. enough said
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
