My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize