I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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