so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
