Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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