so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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