I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
