I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
