Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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