Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
