the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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