I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
