Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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